Another Day in Namibia

  Today I woke up early again.  It seems impossible to sleep past 7:30am anymore... But the blessing in that is the beautiful scene I see as soon as I open my eyes.  I am on the top bunk, and am placed right next to a window that looks directly towards a gorgeous tree outside (this is also a perfect place to watch the sunset as it falls behind the tree in the evening).  I am slowly getting used to things here - and am glad to now have the schedule set out for the whole semester; now I actually know what I am in for!  Apparently I am the only person stupid enough to be taking 4 classes and an independent study... but that is alright, there is no class I would want to drop!  I'll be taking:

Racism and Resistance in Southern Africa and the U.S.  
Political and Social Change in Namibia: A Comparative Perspective
The Development Process in Southern Africa
Religion and Social Change in Southern Africa.

So, if nothing else, I will academically get the most possible out of this place - though I hope that doesn't mean I'll be spending too much of my time reading... 
  So far classes have not officially started, but the learning still continues.  On Friday we walked through Katutura in small groups with guides who are from/currently live there.  Katutura, which means "the place where we don't want to live," is where many were displaced during Apartheid - and continue to be displaced from even today.  During Apartheid this area had both single quarters for men working in the mines or other jobs in town (they were not allowed to have their families live with them), and was where blacks who had lived in the west area, now known as Hochland Park, were forcibly moved to.  Today it is still a black neighborhood that is mostly impoverished and forgotten about by the government.  Electricity and water is extremely expensive for families in these areas.  Aside from these already small houses and relative lack in resources available in the area-  Informal settlements abound here as well.  We've driven up to some of the more mountainous areas right outside of town, where tin shack after tin shack span across the rise and fall of the hills.  There is no electricity, no running water in these places, though there are some communal pumps that families go to for water.  It is a frustrating thing to see - knowing that the main reason for the material reality of people's lives in these places are the fault of a government (not to mention a global economy) that for the most part works off of the exploitation and deprivation of those who are at the lower rung of societal hierarchies.  All of this is to say that it is a heartbreaking thing to see for me, because it reminds me of how easily common humanity can be forgotten, and how we continue as a species to abuse one another. 
   On an internal note - I am glad to be taking the time to journal and reflect a lot on what I want to gain and give during this semester.  I know I mentioned a bit in my past post, and sorry if this feels repetitive, but it is what I am thinking about a lot of the time, so here goes.  I am increasingly understanding deeper and deeper, the real and important need for listening.  I am a person with a strong personality, strong convictions, and a loud voice.  This doesn't always allow the best setting for others to be heard and for me to be a listener... it is something I am becoming more aware of over time and am really trying to rework inside myself.  I do love to listen to people, and consider myself pretty good at it in certain circumstances - when people are talking about their life experiences, their pain and struggles, their grief... I am more than ready to take a seat, listen, ask questions - I am genuinely interested in what people have to say about themselves.  But, I have noticed, once it comes to certain political, social, Biblical, etc. ideals and opinions, it becomes harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut.  It is also difficult for me in that moment to acknowledge the fact that I do not have all the answers, and it becomes easy to devalue others thoughts in my mind.  This is something I do NOT want to be doing.  How can healthy relationships, healing, reconciliation, and the like happen on a macro level if I can't even manage to do it on the micro?  Plus, thinking and acting in the way described above leaves me as the arrogant know-it-all that ends up being more isolated and stunted in personal growth than anyone else since it involves a certain amount of closed-mindedness.  I want to continue to be pushed and challenged and I can't do that if I am not even taking the time to listen to what others have to say and allow them to share their own wisdom and truth.
  This has been hardest when encountering what I consider to be sexist attitudes.  Feelings about gender are very much varied in this part of the world - there are those who are actively seeking and creating equality, there are those who are doing the opposite.  I've heard many different kinds of perspectives, some of which have included that men are the rational, women the emotional; that there are very specific gender roles that should be followed (it was also suggested that because I grew up in an abnormal situation, aka had a single mother most of the time who supported us, my view of gender was skewed, and that this was a problem).  These kinds of comments really, really get under my skin, and it is very hard for me to let go enough to allow people to speak and be respected.  Even the way I wrote those opinions has an air of condescension!  So yes, I am trying to learn to feel less threatened by those who feel differently than me about things, and to remember that my opinions are not above any other - we are all floundering around trying to find the truth, and we are all from different places and experiences.  I am trying to take my own advice from my sermon earlier this summer - that diversity is not a threat, but a thing that can help us grow and become better, more evolved people.  Diversity is something to enrich my life, and others expressing their opinions is not taking anything away from me - it is not a threat! - and that if I want others to genuinely listen to me, I've first got to extend the favor.  Ugh, sometimes my passion and urgency get the best of me, and I falter into the needing to make my point/be right pattern; but I have all the faith in the world that, eventually, I will figure some of it out and at least spend most of the time being a better person/better listener.  Okay, enough of my rambling on and on about personal betterment - I am sure it is not what you all come here to read...
   This coming week is the first real week of schedules and classes and all that, so though it is a welcome change and sense of stability, it also means more homework and less time to sit and ponder (Not that there has been a lot of time for that any way...)  I appreciate the thoughts and prayers as this week begins and I start classes - also I'll be heading off to a 10 day urban homestay this week which should be awesome.  I will update you again when I've got some good stuff to say.  Thanks so much to all of you who have been writing to me! Though I may not have had the time to write back to you yet, know that it really means a lot to me and that I love to hear from you!  Keep sending notes along my way if you like and I will gladly read them :)  Hope you are doing well in all the different parts of the world you may be residing at this point in time -

With much love, hope, and willingness to change,
Maggie