Today I woke up early again. It seems impossible to sleep past 7:30am anymore... But the blessing in that is the beautiful scene I see as soon as I open my eyes. I am on the top bunk, and am placed right next to a window that looks directly towards a gorgeous tree outside (this is also a perfect place to watch the sunset as it falls behind the tree in the evening). I am slowly getting used to things here - and am glad to now have the schedule set out for the whole semester; now I actually know what I am in for! Apparently I am the only person stupid enough to be taking 4 classes and an independent study... but that is alright, there is no class I would want to drop! I'll be taking:
Racism and Resistance in Southern Africa and the U.S.
Political and Social Change in Namibia: A Comparative Perspective
The Development Process in Southern Africa
Religion and Social Change in Southern Africa.
So, if nothing else, I will academically get the most possible out of this place - though I hope that doesn't mean I'll be spending too much of my time reading...
So far classes have not officially started, but the learning still continues. On Friday we walked through Katutura in small groups with guides who are from/currently live there. Katutura, which means "the place where we don't want to live," is where many were displaced during Apartheid - and continue to be displaced from even today. During Apartheid this area had both single quarters for men working in the mines or other jobs in town (they were not allowed to have their families live with them), and was where blacks who had lived in the west area, now known as Hochland Park, were forcibly moved to. Today it is still a black neighborhood that is mostly impoverished and forgotten about by the government. Electricity and water is extremely expensive for families in these areas. Aside from these already small houses and relative lack in resources available in the area- Informal settlements abound here as well. We've driven up to some of the more mountainous areas right outside of town, where tin shack after tin shack span across the rise and fall of the hills. There is no electricity, no running water in these places, though there are some communal pumps that families go to for water. It is a frustrating thing to see - knowing that the main reason for the material reality of people's lives in these places are the fault of a government (not to mention a global economy) that for the most part works off of the exploitation and deprivation of those who are at the lower rung of societal hierarchies. All of this is to say that it is a heartbreaking thing to see for me, because it reminds me of how easily common humanity can be forgotten, and how we continue as a species to abuse one another.
On an internal note - I am glad to be taking the time to journal and reflect a lot on what I want to gain and give during this semester. I know I mentioned a bit in my past post, and sorry if this feels repetitive, but it is what I am thinking about a lot of the time, so here goes. I am increasingly understanding deeper and deeper, the real and important need for listening. I am a person with a strong personality, strong convictions, and a loud voice. This doesn't always allow the best setting for others to be heard and for me to be a listener... it is something I am becoming more aware of over time and am really trying to rework inside myself. I do love to listen to people, and consider myself pretty good at it in certain circumstances - when people are talking about their life experiences, their pain and struggles, their grief... I am more than ready to take a seat, listen, ask questions - I am genuinely interested in what people have to say about themselves. But, I have noticed, once it comes to certain political, social, Biblical, etc. ideals and opinions, it becomes harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut. It is also difficult for me in that moment to acknowledge the fact that I do not have all the answers, and it becomes easy to devalue others thoughts in my mind. This is something I do NOT want to be doing. How can healthy relationships, healing, reconciliation, and the like happen on a macro level if I can't even manage to do it on the micro? Plus, thinking and acting in the way described above leaves me as the arrogant know-it-all that ends up being more isolated and stunted in personal growth than anyone else since it involves a certain amount of closed-mindedness. I want to continue to be pushed and challenged and I can't do that if I am not even taking the time to listen to what others have to say and allow them to share their own wisdom and truth.
This has been hardest when encountering what I consider to be sexist attitudes. Feelings about gender are very much varied in this part of the world - there are those who are actively seeking and creating equality, there are those who are doing the opposite. I've heard many different kinds of perspectives, some of which have included that men are the rational, women the emotional; that there are very specific gender roles that should be followed (it was also suggested that because I grew up in an abnormal situation, aka had a single mother most of the time who supported us, my view of gender was skewed, and that this was a problem). These kinds of comments really, really get under my skin, and it is very hard for me to let go enough to allow people to speak and be respected. Even the way I wrote those opinions has an air of condescension! So yes, I am trying to learn to feel less threatened by those who feel differently than me about things, and to remember that my opinions are not above any other - we are all floundering around trying to find the truth, and we are all from different places and experiences. I am trying to take my own advice from my sermon earlier this summer - that diversity is not a threat, but a thing that can help us grow and become better, more evolved people. Diversity is something to enrich my life, and others expressing their opinions is not taking anything away from me - it is not a threat! - and that if I want others to genuinely listen to me, I've first got to extend the favor. Ugh, sometimes my passion and urgency get the best of me, and I falter into the needing to make my point/be right pattern; but I have all the faith in the world that, eventually, I will figure some of it out and at least spend most of the time being a better person/better listener. Okay, enough of my rambling on and on about personal betterment - I am sure it is not what you all come here to read...
This coming week is the first real week of schedules and classes and all that, so though it is a welcome change and sense of stability, it also means more homework and less time to sit and ponder (Not that there has been a lot of time for that any way...) I appreciate the thoughts and prayers as this week begins and I start classes - also I'll be heading off to a 10 day urban homestay this week which should be awesome. I will update you again when I've got some good stuff to say. Thanks so much to all of you who have been writing to me! Though I may not have had the time to write back to you yet, know that it really means a lot to me and that I love to hear from you! Keep sending notes along my way if you like and I will gladly read them :) Hope you are doing well in all the different parts of the world you may be residing at this point in time -
With much love, hope, and willingness to change,
Maggie
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Josie, Jo-Burg, The J...
First off - sorry that this took a bit to get posted... time is lacking, and internet has been spotty. But I do what I can, and I hope what I say below isn't too fragmented - there is just too much to say...
Okay, so more has happened in this past week and a half than I could ever possibly describe here - so I apologize ahead of time for the inevitable reality of left out details. Johannesburg was a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and sights. I still feel like I am processing through all of it - hearing so much about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Mandela, and all the different political parties active in South Africa today and how they have changed (or some think not) over the years.
For instance, historically the African National Congress (ANC) was the black liberation party, the one that Mandela is a part of - and it is still considered by many to be so today. At the beginning I was all for this party, excited by its past, and the focus on nonviolence, though it didn't always manage to be during the struggle. However, I was pretty disappointed to hear some of the things that they have been doing presently... Though it is hard to make conclusions after hearing so many different viewpoints from speakers through out the week, to me it seems as if the ANC has lost some of its ideals. All the concepts are there - freedom for all, equality, the right to live in peace and happiness, the right to work, to have enough resources to support you and your family... but the follow through seems to be lacking. After going to Kliptown, a informal township literally right across the street from where the Freedom Charter (the new, progressive constitution of South Africa) was developed, and being stunned by the lack of resources, sanitation, electricity, paved roads... it feels as if some of the people who were in the struggle for liberation have been left in the dust now that the ANC has gained so much power in the country. The wealth has accumulated for some, but many of the poor are still poor. How is the ANC really doing its job if there are those living in tin shacks, without proper sanitation, and on and on. In some ways the sight of Kilptown reminded me of those infomercials asking for money while showing some barefooted child running through sewage ridden streams along streets (a definite reality we saw while walking around), the tendency to pity and dehumanize the residents of this place worries me. It is so easy to forget that these people have agency and capabilities just like the rest of us - and that only continues to dis-empower them. Although obviously no one should have to live in the way that this community has been forced - they are not taking it lying down. They are calling out to the government, organizing themselves, demanding their rights - the problem is that it seems to be largely ignored by those who are supposed to enact positive change for South Africans at the macro level. It is hard not to feel cynical about politics after seeing so much of the moral fallout that seems to happen once people gain control, but if it isn't keeping people in Kliptown from fighting, I have no right to become overwhelmed and apathetic - I don't have to live through their reality, I only had to walk through it for an afternoon.
On a more positive note though... Among the stories of intense grief, trauma, and abuses - I have also been able to hear amazing stories of courage, hope, and resilience since I've been here. There are those who were students in the uprisings against Apartheid, mothers or fathers who risked their lives for their children - just incredible narratives of strength. Though I do believe after hearing and seeing what I have that the TRC did not do nearly enough to bring about real reconciliation, I have been impressed with South Africa's ability to continue on with out intense racial hatred. Pretty much everyone I've talked to say that Apartheid was a problem with a system, and that they have no negative feelings towards white people - that Apartheid is in the past, and that they are all now united as one. Even those that were beaten, those that were targets by the regime, those that lost loved ones to the injustices of the times, are able to look through it and see the complexities of the situation and know that its was not an individual thing. I am astonished at this ability to move on in light of the amount of pain Apartheid caused, but I do also sometimes worry that forgetting the past is too much a part of that. That the tendency to want to erase the painful history overrides the need to continue to process, reconcile, and to never forget in able to ensure that nothing like this happens again. Forgiveness, in my opinion, especially here, cannot be at all about forgetting. There are things that need to still be acknowledged and owned; there are things that cannot be forgotten as much as some might want to because it is painful to remember. Full healing can only occur in the old is brought into the new - if the pain of the past is processed and incorporated into the reality of now and who South Africa is today. I do not know how this could happen necessarily, though one thing I hear a lot seems to be the wish that there could be conversations between blacks and whites - the this is one distinct piece the TRC failed to require - because in many ways, things are still separate here. There needs to be space and time for people from all sides to come together and just hear one another out.
Thinking about all these things - trying to process it all - overall I feel exhausted, but so happy. I feel like there has been so much information crammed into my brain in just ten days, I don't know how I am going to fit everything else that is coming my way in the next three months. I am saddened by the evilness that was able to breed here in the past, impressed with the forgiveness of people, and frustrated by the inequalities and lack of reparations that are still occurring today.
And now already we are on the next new part of the journey in Southern Africa. Yesterday we arrived in Namibia where the rest of our course will take place until the end of November. We are living in a great house in Windhoek - but it is small. I am living in a room with five roommates... a stretch for me, but hey, many people live like this everyday, and there are always ways to bring about positive change in oneself when presented with difficult situations... So, that is how I am approaching this housing situation, but this program in general. Though there are frustrations and negativity at times, I do not want that to be what I spend my energy on. I want to let this time, these things, mold and shape me into a better, healthier person - I want to work on my mindfulness with those I live with, and those that we visit and spend time with. I want to continue learning how to listen better - to give space to others, and to validate the importance of their stories and their lives. I want to keep moving towards a shift in perspective and a willingness to grow at every opportunity. I want to take and give all that I can in the months to come. And when I can, I want to clue you in on all that is taking place internally and externally. We'll see how it works out!
Hope you all are doing well - know that I am thinking of and loving you from afar! Until next time - take care and I seriously encourage you to check out some of the South African history if you have time - write me about it, or just write me in general (I do like to get news from people... something that I haven't gotten a lot of yet...) Bah I wish I could give a clearer picture of what all of this has been like, alas I am left with little time and little ability to give it justice! Also - do not worry, I'll be sending along pictures soon!
Yours,
Maggie
Okay, so more has happened in this past week and a half than I could ever possibly describe here - so I apologize ahead of time for the inevitable reality of left out details. Johannesburg was a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and sights. I still feel like I am processing through all of it - hearing so much about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Mandela, and all the different political parties active in South Africa today and how they have changed (or some think not) over the years.
For instance, historically the African National Congress (ANC) was the black liberation party, the one that Mandela is a part of - and it is still considered by many to be so today. At the beginning I was all for this party, excited by its past, and the focus on nonviolence, though it didn't always manage to be during the struggle. However, I was pretty disappointed to hear some of the things that they have been doing presently... Though it is hard to make conclusions after hearing so many different viewpoints from speakers through out the week, to me it seems as if the ANC has lost some of its ideals. All the concepts are there - freedom for all, equality, the right to live in peace and happiness, the right to work, to have enough resources to support you and your family... but the follow through seems to be lacking. After going to Kliptown, a informal township literally right across the street from where the Freedom Charter (the new, progressive constitution of South Africa) was developed, and being stunned by the lack of resources, sanitation, electricity, paved roads... it feels as if some of the people who were in the struggle for liberation have been left in the dust now that the ANC has gained so much power in the country. The wealth has accumulated for some, but many of the poor are still poor. How is the ANC really doing its job if there are those living in tin shacks, without proper sanitation, and on and on. In some ways the sight of Kilptown reminded me of those infomercials asking for money while showing some barefooted child running through sewage ridden streams along streets (a definite reality we saw while walking around), the tendency to pity and dehumanize the residents of this place worries me. It is so easy to forget that these people have agency and capabilities just like the rest of us - and that only continues to dis-empower them. Although obviously no one should have to live in the way that this community has been forced - they are not taking it lying down. They are calling out to the government, organizing themselves, demanding their rights - the problem is that it seems to be largely ignored by those who are supposed to enact positive change for South Africans at the macro level. It is hard not to feel cynical about politics after seeing so much of the moral fallout that seems to happen once people gain control, but if it isn't keeping people in Kliptown from fighting, I have no right to become overwhelmed and apathetic - I don't have to live through their reality, I only had to walk through it for an afternoon.
On a more positive note though... Among the stories of intense grief, trauma, and abuses - I have also been able to hear amazing stories of courage, hope, and resilience since I've been here. There are those who were students in the uprisings against Apartheid, mothers or fathers who risked their lives for their children - just incredible narratives of strength. Though I do believe after hearing and seeing what I have that the TRC did not do nearly enough to bring about real reconciliation, I have been impressed with South Africa's ability to continue on with out intense racial hatred. Pretty much everyone I've talked to say that Apartheid was a problem with a system, and that they have no negative feelings towards white people - that Apartheid is in the past, and that they are all now united as one. Even those that were beaten, those that were targets by the regime, those that lost loved ones to the injustices of the times, are able to look through it and see the complexities of the situation and know that its was not an individual thing. I am astonished at this ability to move on in light of the amount of pain Apartheid caused, but I do also sometimes worry that forgetting the past is too much a part of that. That the tendency to want to erase the painful history overrides the need to continue to process, reconcile, and to never forget in able to ensure that nothing like this happens again. Forgiveness, in my opinion, especially here, cannot be at all about forgetting. There are things that need to still be acknowledged and owned; there are things that cannot be forgotten as much as some might want to because it is painful to remember. Full healing can only occur in the old is brought into the new - if the pain of the past is processed and incorporated into the reality of now and who South Africa is today. I do not know how this could happen necessarily, though one thing I hear a lot seems to be the wish that there could be conversations between blacks and whites - the this is one distinct piece the TRC failed to require - because in many ways, things are still separate here. There needs to be space and time for people from all sides to come together and just hear one another out.
Thinking about all these things - trying to process it all - overall I feel exhausted, but so happy. I feel like there has been so much information crammed into my brain in just ten days, I don't know how I am going to fit everything else that is coming my way in the next three months. I am saddened by the evilness that was able to breed here in the past, impressed with the forgiveness of people, and frustrated by the inequalities and lack of reparations that are still occurring today.
And now already we are on the next new part of the journey in Southern Africa. Yesterday we arrived in Namibia where the rest of our course will take place until the end of November. We are living in a great house in Windhoek - but it is small. I am living in a room with five roommates... a stretch for me, but hey, many people live like this everyday, and there are always ways to bring about positive change in oneself when presented with difficult situations... So, that is how I am approaching this housing situation, but this program in general. Though there are frustrations and negativity at times, I do not want that to be what I spend my energy on. I want to let this time, these things, mold and shape me into a better, healthier person - I want to work on my mindfulness with those I live with, and those that we visit and spend time with. I want to continue learning how to listen better - to give space to others, and to validate the importance of their stories and their lives. I want to keep moving towards a shift in perspective and a willingness to grow at every opportunity. I want to take and give all that I can in the months to come. And when I can, I want to clue you in on all that is taking place internally and externally. We'll see how it works out!
Hope you all are doing well - know that I am thinking of and loving you from afar! Until next time - take care and I seriously encourage you to check out some of the South African history if you have time - write me about it, or just write me in general (I do like to get news from people... something that I haven't gotten a lot of yet...) Bah I wish I could give a clearer picture of what all of this has been like, alas I am left with little time and little ability to give it justice! Also - do not worry, I'll be sending along pictures soon!
Yours,
Maggie
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Setting Off!
Greetings!
Seeing as how I will be jetting off into the unknown (hence the pensive, wondering photo above) and leaving the US for four months; and having heard that there might be a few people wanting to keep up to date with what I will be doing and seeing, I've made this here fancy blog. I won't be offended if only a few, or even none, of you all read this - but for those of you who are willing to let me take up some of your time, I will do my best to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. So, without further ado - here is my first official blog post:
At this moment, I am just about 24hrs away from shipping off to Johannesburg, South Africa for the first little jaunt of my fall semester! At this point I think I've repacked about 6 times and have finally gotten it down to my big backpack and two carry ons - impressive (to me at least) considering I am going to be gone for four months. I am currently trying not to be too anxious about everything - I am trying not to build expectations for the trip and in doing so have kept myself a bit in the dark about what all exactly I will be doing once I get there... Either way, I am excited for what these next months have in store for me! The basic jist I have of where I'll be going only comes from what my flight plans are (though there will be other trips in between these times) I will be in Jo-Burg Aug. 15th till Aug. 25th when we head to Windhoek, Namibia, where the bulk of the program happens. Then on Nov. 27th we all go to Cape Town for the last bit of the semester - I'll be staying for six days on my own (possibly with others if they are staying later too!) after the program ends. At this point I have no set plans, but I will probably spend those days in Cape Town - surfing for part of it I hope!
Though there are a lot of great things in store, I have to admit that I am very sad to be leaving my internship at Portland Mennonite Church though - it has been an incredible summer and I've learned more than I could have ever hoped! Big thanks and love go to Natalya, Rod, Curt and Rachel - you guys have blessed me in ways I cannot even begin to describe; you have taught me much and it has been a privilege to hear more about your lives and experiences. I also have to thank all of you who were there (and there in spirit!) for my growing and discerning process during my time here in Portland these past months. And a special thank you to Ken Domen and the kids for letting me invade their space for a while :)
Overall, I feel exhausted, exhilarated, panicked, and joyful. Tomorrow I plan to spend a bit of time with my Grampy, take a nice long ride on my bike before having to put it away and not touch it for months (tear!), and try to spend a few last moments with friends here in P-Town. Again, I basically have NO idea what I am getting myself into, but what ever it is, hopefully I will have time to write about it here so you all can join in when you feel the urge and read what musings I have about life in Southern Africa. Take care and feel free to write emails to me to give updates about your lives too! And as always, thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and encouragements. See you in December!
Peace,
Maggie
Also, if you are curious about what the heck I am doing, especially if you haven't even heard that I am doing this before now... here is the program website: Namibia Program
And in case your geography is a bit rusty... here is a photo to help you see whereabouts I'll be:
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