First off - sorry that this took a bit to get posted... time is lacking, and internet has been spotty. But I do what I can, and I hope what I say below isn't too fragmented - there is just too much to say...
Okay, so more has happened in this past week and a half than I could ever possibly describe here - so I apologize ahead of time for the inevitable reality of left out details. Johannesburg was a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and sights. I still feel like I am processing through all of it - hearing so much about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Mandela, and all the different political parties active in South Africa today and how they have changed (or some think not) over the years.
For instance, historically the African National Congress (ANC) was the black liberation party, the one that Mandela is a part of - and it is still considered by many to be so today. At the beginning I was all for this party, excited by its past, and the focus on nonviolence, though it didn't always manage to be during the struggle. However, I was pretty disappointed to hear some of the things that they have been doing presently... Though it is hard to make conclusions after hearing so many different viewpoints from speakers through out the week, to me it seems as if the ANC has lost some of its ideals. All the concepts are there - freedom for all, equality, the right to live in peace and happiness, the right to work, to have enough resources to support you and your family... but the follow through seems to be lacking. After going to Kliptown, a informal township literally right across the street from where the Freedom Charter (the new, progressive constitution of South Africa) was developed, and being stunned by the lack of resources, sanitation, electricity, paved roads... it feels as if some of the people who were in the struggle for liberation have been left in the dust now that the ANC has gained so much power in the country. The wealth has accumulated for some, but many of the poor are still poor. How is the ANC really doing its job if there are those living in tin shacks, without proper sanitation, and on and on. In some ways the sight of Kilptown reminded me of those infomercials asking for money while showing some barefooted child running through sewage ridden streams along streets (a definite reality we saw while walking around), the tendency to pity and dehumanize the residents of this place worries me. It is so easy to forget that these people have agency and capabilities just like the rest of us - and that only continues to dis-empower them. Although obviously no one should have to live in the way that this community has been forced - they are not taking it lying down. They are calling out to the government, organizing themselves, demanding their rights - the problem is that it seems to be largely ignored by those who are supposed to enact positive change for South Africans at the macro level. It is hard not to feel cynical about politics after seeing so much of the moral fallout that seems to happen once people gain control, but if it isn't keeping people in Kliptown from fighting, I have no right to become overwhelmed and apathetic - I don't have to live through their reality, I only had to walk through it for an afternoon.
On a more positive note though... Among the stories of intense grief, trauma, and abuses - I have also been able to hear amazing stories of courage, hope, and resilience since I've been here. There are those who were students in the uprisings against Apartheid, mothers or fathers who risked their lives for their children - just incredible narratives of strength. Though I do believe after hearing and seeing what I have that the TRC did not do nearly enough to bring about real reconciliation, I have been impressed with South Africa's ability to continue on with out intense racial hatred. Pretty much everyone I've talked to say that Apartheid was a problem with a system, and that they have no negative feelings towards white people - that Apartheid is in the past, and that they are all now united as one. Even those that were beaten, those that were targets by the regime, those that lost loved ones to the injustices of the times, are able to look through it and see the complexities of the situation and know that its was not an individual thing. I am astonished at this ability to move on in light of the amount of pain Apartheid caused, but I do also sometimes worry that forgetting the past is too much a part of that. That the tendency to want to erase the painful history overrides the need to continue to process, reconcile, and to never forget in able to ensure that nothing like this happens again. Forgiveness, in my opinion, especially here, cannot be at all about forgetting. There are things that need to still be acknowledged and owned; there are things that cannot be forgotten as much as some might want to because it is painful to remember. Full healing can only occur in the old is brought into the new - if the pain of the past is processed and incorporated into the reality of now and who South Africa is today. I do not know how this could happen necessarily, though one thing I hear a lot seems to be the wish that there could be conversations between blacks and whites - the this is one distinct piece the TRC failed to require - because in many ways, things are still separate here. There needs to be space and time for people from all sides to come together and just hear one another out.
Thinking about all these things - trying to process it all - overall I feel exhausted, but so happy. I feel like there has been so much information crammed into my brain in just ten days, I don't know how I am going to fit everything else that is coming my way in the next three months. I am saddened by the evilness that was able to breed here in the past, impressed with the forgiveness of people, and frustrated by the inequalities and lack of reparations that are still occurring today.
And now already we are on the next new part of the journey in Southern Africa. Yesterday we arrived in Namibia where the rest of our course will take place until the end of November. We are living in a great house in Windhoek - but it is small. I am living in a room with five roommates... a stretch for me, but hey, many people live like this everyday, and there are always ways to bring about positive change in oneself when presented with difficult situations... So, that is how I am approaching this housing situation, but this program in general. Though there are frustrations and negativity at times, I do not want that to be what I spend my energy on. I want to let this time, these things, mold and shape me into a better, healthier person - I want to work on my mindfulness with those I live with, and those that we visit and spend time with. I want to continue learning how to listen better - to give space to others, and to validate the importance of their stories and their lives. I want to keep moving towards a shift in perspective and a willingness to grow at every opportunity. I want to take and give all that I can in the months to come. And when I can, I want to clue you in on all that is taking place internally and externally. We'll see how it works out!
Hope you all are doing well - know that I am thinking of and loving you from afar! Until next time - take care and I seriously encourage you to check out some of the South African history if you have time - write me about it, or just write me in general (I do like to get news from people... something that I haven't gotten a lot of yet...) Bah I wish I could give a clearer picture of what all of this has been like, alas I am left with little time and little ability to give it justice! Also - do not worry, I'll be sending along pictures soon!
Yours,
Maggie
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